The Blur Between Freedom and Childhood

It's been 20 years and I still find myself under the tight reign of my parents. Perhaps it because I live within their four walls when school is not in session. Perhaps it is because they have no idea when it is okay to trust in the values they have bestowed upon their children....

I find myself trapped in someplace dark. What is the job of a parent once their children have grown to my age? Are they not supposed to support you in your lifelong dreams? Are they not supposed to encourage you even if it means traveling? This is what one would think....

I have an audition in Chicago for a television show. I can afford the trip, I would not be alone, someone would be going with me. Yet here is what my father proceeds to tell me: You do not have the talent to do this. You were never even in the elite choir. What in the world do you want in your life? Are you willing to throw it all away if you land a spot on this show?

Here is the thing... father. When I entered into college all I wanted was to major in musical theatre, but you did not support me. You said music was unrealistic and you would not help pay for school if I chose that route. I was never in the elite choir because the dressess were far to expensive and I knew that we could not afford it. I hated the director and he hated me. I was asked to audition for that choir both my junior and senior year, but I turned it down.

When does this blur between reliance on my parents and freedom in my own independence come into play? Is 20 years to young to believe in this? How is one supposed to continue on in life and fight for dreams if there is no suppot in the home? Eight months out of the year I am gone away from home, living on a university campus... and I return not to bliss and relaxation, but to hostility, stress, the shattering of hopes for something "real" - the realism being conforming to the ideal parental vision of their child.

World do me a favor... encourage those around you. Don't shatter their dreams. For to shatter a dream is to shatter the confidence and soul of an individual.

Dream Theif and Green Eyed Monster

Let me spill this out. I am a musician. Let me lay out the disappointments for you:

1. Couldn't take vocal lessons - cause I took flute - cause it was more realistic for me to succeed in... thanks for the encouragemtn.

2. Couldn't go into musical theatre - it wouldn't get me a job - parent's refused to pay for schooling if I chose that major. So I went with the backup plan.

Then here I find my best friend from high school was chosen to fly to Bejing to sing.... the girl really wasn't that great of a singer back in the day. Here she is being recorded, stealing my dream. Everyone in my freaking home town knows and she enjoys posting about it on facebook every day. Thanks for rubbing the dirt in my wound........

The Beginning of an Honest Era

To long I have imagined publishing a book. Something that is purely my thoughts, written into various accounts. Not those lame auto-biographies with thousands of dates and names no one remembers, but a book divided into sections with all my stories. Okay so you are probably thinking about navigating away from this blog right now, but try to stay with me. That book is not gonna happen, that's why this blog is here.

I plan on writing every honest emotion I have about college life on this page. Well, not every emotion, but more or less my thoughts on the situations I'm in. People have complained for years that I am just not open enough, that I need to write a book. Well here it is. The Complete thoughts of a college girl without any further interruptions. Things could get complicated, but honesty is what people want.

Welcome to the beginning of an Honest Era.