Have you ever been in a mood and never knew why? Have you ever been in a compiliation of situations and become numb from all their happenings? A combination of the two leaves me dazzed and out of touch from reality.
What is a friend? I thought it was a person whom you could trust. A person with who you held conversations throughout the days and weeks, who hung out with you and knew how to make you smile. Perhaps it's much more than that. Looking around this college campus of mine I have come to find that despite the mass numbers of people I know... one true friend is in short supply. After losing my sophomore roommate I no longer had that one girl to depend on, to break down in front of. That one person who helped me maintain my sanity. What is a world full of so called "friends" if none can support you when needed most?
What is privacy? Joining in greek life was by far the greatest choice I have made in my lifetime. This was my thought process until this week. There comes that time when a girl meets a guy. Girl invites guy over to watch movie as friends. I told a few girls whom I could trust about this guy coming over, and before I knew it my entire sorority created an explosion of this happening. It suddenly became a date, and this guy was suddenly my "crush of a lifetime". If only these girls could see past their shallow thoughts and explore what lies within my mind.
To come over to a movie is nothing but hanging out... I lost all trust in men when one held my emotions in the palm of his hand and shattered them with one striking blow. He treated me like an angel, like his girl, going places together, complimenting me, everything the perfect gentleman was to do when courting a lovely lady. Needless to say I was falling in love with him when he shattered my heart. No one seems to understand this. I cannot find it within myself to see a male having an attraction for me, because in my mind he'll always come back to hurt me. Having my sorority sisters all in a hype has left me speechless, feeling more vunerable and lonely than ever. Let me say this about this guy: He is incredibly attractive, his personality is fun loving and adorable. If nothing happens.... nothing happens. Forgive me for not falling head-over-heals after knowing him for one week. Experience has taught me guard my heart, to wait for a reassuring sign from the source that there is an attraction between the two of us. Yes, I would love nothing more than to see him again, but my heart will not suffer if this occurance does not take place. Do not take my emotions and my life and spread them around for your personal benefit. If you wonder how things are... ask me.
I'm lost. I'm suffering. I'm silent. A once confident woman has been trapped within an emotional shell, cradling herself for protection from those around her. Leave my heart be, and let me suffer in silence. For few of these so-called "friends" will seek me out and come to my rescue. No one can take the confrontation.
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